What's left of my sanity

edwad:

*phone rings*
“hello”
“hi! is your refrigerator running”
“yes it is”
“mine is as well! can’t wait to see your fridge at the race tomorrow”

blastortoise:

*stubs toe*

dampsandwich:

the fact that 66 + 44 doesn’t add up to 100 really pisses me off

disneyprincest:

sabrina gets a little too silly but she manages to set the record straight

again, you're blog is keeping me entertained as I sit on my delayed flight. god bless the internet

Anonymous

Come off anon so I can make sweet lov— I mean I can thank you properly

the-pietriarchy:

I’m doing a tumblr giveaway

winrylicious:

The jokes I did not understand as a child

christianmingle:

My grandpas texts are the best

nahshaw:

i think the most beautiful sound is when you can hear the shower running at early in the morning because that means someone in the house is probably going to leave soon and that’s one less motherfucker to share oxygen with

rudeandgingerdoctor:

221cbakerstreet:

princessfreakazoid:

larry-while-were-young:

princessfreakazoid:

in the 1940s the word “boner” used to mean “huge mistake” and it still pretty much means that

how the fuck would you know that

because i know things

i read these to my dad and he literally fell off his chair laughing and is now purple in the face